episode 5

the its to late to fire us now show

Tim; Come on guys, the studio is this way.... what studio are we at?

Chase: Ums.... Is thinks Tis reads ons thes littles thingie-ma-bobbers thats it was studio 4-bs.

Tim: Well hall righty then.

Chase; Yeppers, I's thinks this is its.

Tim: Hall righty then boys, let's set 'er up!

Chase; Sets who's ups? Does toys haves a friends whos can'ts gets a dates?

Tim: Um...let me think... ok: no. I mean the show! Set up the stuff for the show!

Chase; ihs tights. I;lla puts ups thes wheels.
(the Show; Wheel of misfortune begins on-screen..

Tim: With me, your host, Pat Sayjack!
(enter Kenny And professor)

Kenny;And so the communist says; that's no ICBM: that's my wife!

Mary:Laughing hysterically) so, we just set up like usual, right?

Kenny: Yeah, so go stand- whoah, hold on- who int he nae of Adam Sandler are you?

Tim; Who am I? Why, I'm TV;s Pat Sayjack!

Kenny; Right, we've established that- I mean what are you doing on my set?

Tim: YOUR set? This is my studio!

Kenny: No it isn't!

Tim: Yes it is!
(repeat as needed until...)

Kenny; Yes it is!

Tim: No it isn't!

Kenny:HA! I totally Bugs Bunny'd you!

Tim: Well, that doesn't matter, because this is studio 4-b, and that means it's ours!

Kenny; Well, ther's your problem:this is 4-a.

Chase:AHs...Wells thens...

Tim:Yeah, our show's already started though, so can we just...

Kenny; NO!

TIm(noticing Mary):Hey, are you that new Vannha White they sent us? The last one didn't make it thorough the mail...

Mary;What? NO, I'm Profesor Gwen Myfangurzenspreken....blaken. And I'm insulted you'd call me vannha white, when If anything, I look like Vanha Black!

Kenny; Wait, Professor? Hmm... Have you lost wait?

Mary; Among other things. Tee-hee.

Kenny; Right, so where was I? Oh, right: GET THE FUDGE OUT OF MY SHOW!

TIm: But

Kenny: GIT!
(Tim and chase begin to walk out of the room,depressed, when I hit one of them on the back of the head. On the day this was to be performed, we added an optional three stooges style rumble here.)

Kenny; Oh all right.. I guess Ya'll can stay just this once.
(celbration)
(our show starts)

Kenny; Sooory about that folks.(introduces show, self as host) And today Our subject is... Oh, wait: what is our subject? Professor, do you know?
(again, there will be a small gap until I can get the rest of the script.)

Jarret; You guys are great!

Tim: No, you're great!

Jarret; NO,no, you guys are great.

Chase; Noes, yours Greats!

Jarrett: OK, I'm great-(turning to Kenny)Well hey there, Jewlio. Have You just been waiting for me all this time? Well- look at your sking! It's just so.... leathery! You;ve got the leathery skin! You;re such a leathery guy!

kenny: Why, how did you know- I mean... gir... what do I mean?

Tim: Yo, Mega-dude: How did you get so wasted?

Jarret; I ate a sandwich, and it was the best sandwich I EVER ATE!

Mary; Wait, how did you get so drunk on a sandwhich?

Jarrett; Well you see...

David; Wait guys, that can not school appropriate! Can't they fire us for this?

Kenny; NO man, because: it's too late to fire us now!

Jarrett; ‘How did white ad smooth my women go from a short, fat guy to a skinny girl? Is there something youaren't telling us?

Mary: <insert worst possible joke about Kenny>

Jarret; Mynya hya.

Kenny; How retarded ARE you? I bet you're so retarded, that you'd fall for the old, "omg, look behind you!' Joke three times in one class!

Mary; hey, I thought there was someone falling off the roof.

Jarrett and co. continue laughing unstoppably.

David; Come on guys you can never stay focused!
You guys are driving me crazy!!!! AHHHH!!!!(slams things around in a professor-like way)

Kenny; Great leaping leprechauns batman, he's finally snapped!

Mary; Who-it-o, calm down!

Tim: well, thanks for watching, that's our show-

Kenny; You're not helping!

Chase(plays air guitar for intro of "bob and bonnie"

David: singing verse

Kenny; (During song, starts off enjoying, gets impatient, then) okay, that's enough of that, stop, stop that singing!

Mary; Wowsers, you can sing?

Kenny; You actually thought that was good? It was like hearing two tone deaf walruses that just got hit in the privates with a baseball bat!

Jarrett: I'm not going to say anything, cause I want to be in the next season. (steps away from Dave slowly.) Don't hurt me!

Mary; Hey, why are you guys so mean? He's a great singer!(winks at Dave)

Dave(moves slowly away from mary in fear, pretending to vomit.)

Kenny: Yeah, he likes using his lips for song, but I've heard you like using yours for OTHER things, professor.
All laughing hysterically.

Mary; Yeah, for eating!

Kenny; If that's what you call it when you shovel massive piles of grub down your meaty throat, you fatty. I mean, good grief woman, your lunch could feed an entire third world country!

Mary; You know that wasn't funny, that was rude!

Jarret: What, are you kidding? That's way funnier than "white and smooth my women" or "Pam Perscruisers."

Tim: Well thank you, captain obvious!

Jarrett(saluting):just doing my duty, folks!

Kenny; Hmm... I'd hate to bug you all in the middle of your zany, madcap shenanningans, but if this is a science show, then where is all the science?

David: Oh, that's right, this was supposed to be another episode about the solar system!
Hold On a second while I get out the model!(pulls out yellow, blue, and green juggling balls) Okay, now....(sciencey solar systemey rambling)

Kenny:(picks up earth, sun, etc and begins juggling, drops the earth.) Umm... guys, I think I just caused the apocalypse.

Dave: Oh great, how are we supposed to have a show now that you've broken our high tech, super expensive model?

Kenny;(In a german accent.) Zis is quite ze puzzling, perturbing problem to decide upon. Oh, If only I had someone to talk to about zis.

Jarrett; Wait! We could call my mother... then again... all she thinks about is vacuum cleaners and pancakes... My

dad! Oh wait... he's dead.

Kenny; HOLY FROSHIZZLES, batman.

Chase; Wells, spanks mes twices ands hands mes tos mys mamas, that was wierds.

Mary; Did your parents drop you when you were little?

Kenny; Hey, give me a break! Life's not easy for a boy named Sue!

Jarrett; Why yes, I do like those pancakes from the double T diner!

Mary; Right, I'm Gwen Myfanway, thanks for watching-

Chase; There's mores shows tos dos, morons!

David: This show... it's gonna' be canceled, I just know it is...

Mary; Cheer up Hoola-ho! If you want, I could do something that would really boost your ratings for you! (wink)

Kenny; Man, is it just me, or is the new professor really, really creepy?

David; Yeah I think I liked it better when the professor was the fat, jolly, semi-psychopath we knew and loved.

Chase; Yeahs, news Professors scares mes ons as deeps enotionals levels.

Tim: I agree, I mean... I might have to set my army of rabid, unionized zombie squirrels on him...her...the prof-meister.

Kenny; Wow... for once, I have to agree with you.

Mary; I don't see why you're all so freaked out, I mean, a girl's gotta live free, you know.
(everyone shudders, Inches away)

Kenny; (In a dramatic stage whisper. Guys, we really have to do something about professor Gwenhyvar Myfanway.

Jarrett: Yeah, I mean, really, the nerve he has, not showing up today!

David: Wait, what do you mean?

Jarrett; What, you n00bs haven't figured it out yet? Haha, total pwnage! That's not him!

Chase; Buts shes cant's says hers names, justs likes the proffessors.

Kenny; And she shows signs of serious mental issues, like the professor.

Jarrett; What? Suzy, you must have known it wasn't him, because you haven't been ninja-attacking her for money like you usually do.

Kenny; Yeah, well... I was hoping that I could use my super ladies' man skills to get the money hassle free...
all at once; yeah... that's not creepy at all.

David: You mean the crazy girl who's been trashing this episode isn't actually the professor after some drastic changes? Well, that makes sense... somehow...

Chase; Wait, how'd YOU figure it out? You're like, the dumbest one out of all of us, and you're drunk on a fermented sandwich!

Jarrett: Well, I could tell it wasn't him because I haven't been strangled yet in this show.

Kenny; Whoah, wait, Pam. Did you just speak without saying "S" at the end of all your words?

Chase; Wow, Megaforgeus totally cured my speech impediment!

Kenny; And I, Bob Bobson, am completely amazed by that- great scratchy kitty litter, batman, he fixed my name! This man is Hey-Zeus! He works miracles!

Mary: Hey, what'cha guys talking about?

Tim:Um... you guys wanna tell us, or do I?

David: I'll cover it. Professor... Gwen... I want to apologize...

Mary; (Tilting head, blinking and trying to be cute) What for, guys?

David: Well, me and the guys here... most of us thought that you were Professor Gwenhyvar Myfanway after having some... major personal changes. And I just wanted to say I was sorry before I called security and got you thrown out of the studio for wrecking my show.

Mary; What? (laugh) no, no, Gwenhyvar's my brother! He couldn't make it today, so he told me to cover for him. My names Gwendylan, Gwendylan Myfanway.

Tim; Wait, so your parents had kids and named them Gwenhyvar and Gwendalyn? Wasn't that confusing?

Mary; Why would it e confusing?

Kenny; Hey, hey, so you're really a girl?(squeezing past others) Well hey there. Hey, your brother owes me a massive amount of money; do you think you could do something about that?

Mary; Yeah, well- wait, wait, you thought this was a case of dude looks like a lady? Prepare yourself for an afternoon of senseless, mind-numbing agony! (Hurls herself forward, David dodges, and she chokes M.F.)

Jarrett; Oh come on, I didn't do anything this time!

David; Professor...ette, put that helpless man down!

Mary; What's going on? Oh, darn my turretes!

Tim: Wow, it's hard to believe she's an entirely different person, all together.
All together; It's hard to believe she's an entirely different person.

David: well, now that we've got that settled, I think I'll stop this madness before I get fried- er, fired.

Jarret; But host-man, don't you remember? It's too late to fire us now!

Tim: let the man end his show!

Chase; Yeah, or I'll make you crippled again!

Kenny: Sweet chocolate Jeebus, what violence!

David: For thirty seconds, can you all just focus for thirty seconds?
(long silence)

David: Okay, now!

Mary: So long, I'm Gwendylan Myfanway!

Kenny; I'm BOB Bobson- hooray!

Chase; I'm the artist formerly known as Pam Perscruisers!

Tim: I'm TV's pat Sayjack! Or not.

Jarrett; And I'm Megaforgeus Logophobia-

Mary; You're not in the show! (Choking Jarret)

Kenny; Hey, crazy science wench, release him!(jumps in to help)

Chase and Tim: school appropriate signs of surprise and confusion before attacking the fighters.

David; And I'm Julio Ricardo Montoyo Montez, and this is, the Really short Science report! Thanks for watching you

guys! We'll see you all next year!(joins the fray, and we fade out to elevator music.)


The End.