episode 3
Host; David
Hippie; Mary
Professor; Sean
Actor; Dylan
Crippple; Chase
David:Good morning! I'm Julio Ricardo Montoyo Montez- and this is the really short science report! And joining me as usual, we have Professor Gwenhyvar Myfanway!
Sean: Hey there, everybody! That's my name, don't wear it out!
David; All right professor, don't get out of hand. Let's keep this show to the point unlike last time... and the time before that... and pretty much whenever we've had a show.
Sean; What? Why should I? I keep going nuts and nobody seems bothered by it, and really-
David; Professor! This is exactly what I'm talking about!
Sean:Oh, right... SO... what's our topic for today?
David; Well, today, we've got something a little different; history!
Sean: (freaking out- and I mean PANIC, sean) history? But... this is a science show... and I don't know history!
David:well, it's the history of science, so it shouldn't be too hard.
Sean; (still panicked) Yes it will! I only know new science! Not old science! It's all been disproved anyway, so why learn it, right?
David; sigh Look, it's easy. I'll start us off. Thales was a Greek philosopher who lived from 624 Bc to about 580 bc. He was the first man to predict an eclipse. You see? It's easy. Now, he also suggested that the earth was round-
Sean;Ha!Wrong! Everyone knows that Columbus first suggested the earth was round, in fourteen hundred ninety two, when he sailed upon the ocean blue.
David: no, that's just when the theory started getting a little more well known and accepted. Just like when he said there was a three hundred and sixty five day year.
Sean; Really? The year's that long? Cool! 365's my lucky number!
David: Well then... back on topic... do you want to say anything, or should I keep doing all the work?
Sean; No, it's fine; I'll let you handle it.
David; Well gee, thanks a lot. Now, the next important astronomer was Pythagorus. He lived at about 500 BC-
Sean; Hey, I know him! He's the guy who made that annoying theorem I had to learn in seventh grade! And he had that stupid theory that when the sun, earth, and other things in the sky lined up, they made music! Haha... music.
David; There you go, you've contributed.
Jarret: There they are! Attack, my crippled minions! (characters with cane and sling beat the wall a few times and come in)
David; What the- what's that?
Jarret; Well, we all tried getting on the show and got beat up by security. Then we met up on the breaking-into-tvs-tudios.com forums, and decided to gang up on them!
David; Well... I guess we can't stop you now that you're on the air. So, know anything about astronomy?
Mary; Yeah, I know all about astronomy!
David; Really? You mean we might actually get an expert on the subject for once? All right!
Mary; Yeah, so astronomy is like, your sign. And I'm a virgo, man!
Sean; Hey, cripple, two things; first; that's asrology, not astronomy. And second; I know what virgo means, and trust me, you're not one. Oo, snap! (high five Jarret)
David; Okay, stepping in before our sponsors drop us, do you know anything, Megaforgeas Logophobia?
Jarret; Hey, you know me!
David; Well duh, you've got onto the show two times already.
Jarret; I feel loved!
Chase; Hey, hey, do me next- what's my name?
David; Well... I don't know.
Chase; What? How could you not know me? Is it because I'm white?
David; What?
Chase; I know you guys have your own little groups, but just because someone's skin is different than yours, it doesn't mean you have the right to ignore him-
David; What are you talking about? We're all white! This show has more crackers than a box of saltines! I've just never seen you before. Now can we please, please, please get back to the show?
Morgan; That's right. This show isn't some sort of comedy routine made by nerds with a lot of free time! It's a science program to help people like you learn about the people who made this world so high tech and great, like Eudoxes, who lived in 400 BC and measured the solar year, along with the movements of the planets. He explained the irregular motion of the planets, and you people are ruining the show that teaches about him! Think of the children!
Chase;Y'know what? Y'know what? (kick her in the fake crippled leg.) You fail.
David; Oh, my show! My beautiful show! Please tell me our next guest gets here soon!
Dylan; A friend to all is friend to none! A great city in not-
David; What the- who are you?
Dylan; I'm from the historical society. They tol me you needed an actor to play Aristotle for your show.
David; That's not right! I said I needed an expert on Aristotle!
Dylan; Well, sorry, but I can't help you. I'm just an actor, I don't really know anything.
Sean; Hey, If you're supposed to be an Aristotle, why aren't you wearing a Toga?
Jarret; And why don't you have a beard?
Morgan; And why do you have jeans on, man?
Dylan; Okay, so I'm a very bad actor- sue me!
David; I will, if you can't tell me something about Aristotle that out viewers don't know in ten seconds.
Dylan; What? I don't-
David" One, two,
Dylan; lived around 350 BC and he geocentric model of the universe that lasted for... for...
David; Five, six-
Dylan; I can't handle the pressure! It's just too much!
Morgan; The geocentric model of the universe, in which the motionless earth was the center of the universe, lasted for over fifteen hundred years, and many groundbreaking astronomical theories that are still true with today's heliocentric model.
David; Wait... If you knew all that, why didn't you say anything earlier?
Morgan; Oh, I wasn't paying attention.
Sean; You dumb crippled hippie! You crippie!
Dylan; so... is the show over now?
Sean; Oh yeah! I'm Profesor Gwenhyvay Myfanway, thanks for-
David: Professor, what are you doing? We still have four people to talk about!
Sean; Aww, do I have to?
David; No. You can go backstage and eat a sandwich.
Sean; Really?
David; NO!! Next astronomer, please.
Sean; Well... Aristarchus lived at around 290 BC. He calculated the distance from the earth to the moon and sun.
Morgan; Groovy, man; how'd he do that?
Sean; I don't know- the show's research budget ran out before I could find out.
David; What? We had a thousand dollars left, where did it go?
Sean; Hey, man's gotta' eat... and so do his friends... and their cats...
David; Did you spend all our money on food?
Sean; No, no, I'm just suggesting what might have happened... but hey, let's not get off topic- Eratosphenes was- you guessed it- a greek astronomer. Around 350 BC, he used the distance and angle between two Egyptian cities to figure out the diameter of the earth, and mapped 675 stars.
Morgan; Wow? 675 stars? How much free time did he have? What a loser!
Sean; That;s it, die, you son of- daughter of a hippie! (chokes her)
David; Professor, professor, please stop choking that innocent girl!
Sean; Professor smash! Okay, I'm finished. Now, Eratosphenes also invented leap year, and measured earth's tilt of 23.5 degrees.
Jarret; I thought it was twenty five, or-
David; Oh, no. This is all getting really familiar. This is the part where you say a whole bunch of random numbers and we end up off topic. We just have two topics left to go, so please shut it!
Dylan; Whoah, whoah- that's my favorite part of the show, don't ruin it!
Sean; Shut it, Aristotle. Don't get your incorrect costume in a bunch.
Dylan; Hey, just because I'm not in the "right" costume, it doesn't mean I don't have anything smart to contribute to the show.
Chase; Come on: useful contributions? Hipparchus you ain't.
Dylan; No, really, I'm smart! Watch; that guy you just mentioned, Hipparchus; he lived aorund140 BC, and mapped 850 stars, which he organized into six categories based on brightness!
Morgan; Wow, how did he-
chase;Oh come on, is that the only line you know?
Morgan; Um... no... I have more lines... I think. Like this one; Ptolemy discovered the epicycle, and lived around 80 BC.
Jarret; Oh! I know what an epicycle is!
Sean; Really? Yeah; I ride one to work every day!
Chase; He said Epicycle, not bicycle!
Dylan;Yeah, an Epicycle is the irregularity in the speed or motion of a planet across the night sky!
Morgan; And a bicycle is a two wheeled mode of transportation that depends on physical labor for power!
David; Well, we've made it to the end of the show in one piece, and without going... to far off topic. Thanks for watching. I'm Julio Ricardo Montoyo Montez.
Sean; I'm Professor Gwendlyan Mcsandwhich- Gwenhyvar Myfanway, I mean.
Dylan; I'm Jeff Mcbobson, of the historical acting society!
Jarret; And I'm Megaforgeas Logophobia.
Sean; (getting angry and raising fist) You're not- oh wait. You get a free pass this time, crip-man.
Chase and Morgan; we're both crippled trespassers!
Kenny; And I wrote this terrible script. Thanks for watching, and see you next time on
Group; the really short science report.